My neighbour is such a nob and I hate him with the heat of a super nova.
We rarely see 'The Slaters', as we all call them, their house is set slightly apart from all the others in the close and they never venture outside. They keep all their blinds shut and never have the windows open even in summer, instead they run a huge and expensive air conditioning system. I fed their rabbits and fish once when they went on holiday and the house had such thick fuggy air you could pretty much take a slice out of it. They have a son of about 12 years from his first marriage and a daughter from her first (abusive) marriage. She, 'Aunt Sponge Slater' used to have very low opinions of all the other children in the neighbourhood constantly judging until her daughter got knocked up by the chef from the village pub aged 15. He 'Uncle Sponge Slater' kicked the daughter out making her go and get a scummy council house in a dodgy part of town instead of offering to pitch in and let her finish her education. Aunt Sponge let it happen because he was taking her to Egypt and she didn't want to jeopardise the holiday. They have CCTV fitted to the side of their house even though we live in a sleepy Northamptonshire village in a very very quiet cul de sac and not in fact in Compton, LA.
Overnight we have had a lot of snow and all the kids were out playing and having a great time, the grown ups couldn't go to work as all the roads around the village were blocked so we got some snow shovels and spades and started to build some giant snowmen.
Anyway old twat face from next door has just been out having a go at the kids for making giant snowballs that 'might' roll in the way of his car (obnoxious Range Rover) and block his drive. He didn't know I was standing in my garage and heard his vicious shouty tirade. He made a couple of the smaller kids cry, so I went round to see what all the fuss was about and to apologise for any snow related problems we might have caused for him. He launched into one of the most ridiculous paranoid monologues I have ever heard, a full ten minutes of utter utter nonsensical bollocks, if I hadn't have been standing there listening with my own two ears I wouldn't have believed one person could spout such cock. I ended up walking away saying 'Whatever', a phrase I really don't like at all......it just seemed so appropriate.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
haha, you should get all the kids and parents in the 'close' to make a big sign out of snow saying wanker and leave it on his front lawn! or scratch it into his nob car!
what did he say at the door??
He just looked at me flabergasted that I could be such a teenager, which totally meant I won and I rule and I am skillish.
Last year he took to complaining a lot about all manner of stuff, when he came round it would often not even be anything to do with me, he just knew that I was the only one who would actually open the door and listen to him. He would start on a rant and I would just repeat what he said like the childhood game of 'parrot' that drives everyone nuts. He'd not realise what I was doing for the first few sentences, as he would be too intent on his rant, then it would slowly sink in and would storm off in a proper huff. I suppose in many ways even though I do dislike him a LOT, I kind of think of him as sport, a toy to mess with and I kind of feel pity for the sad twat.
haha he sounds like a complete nobber, much like my other halfs family hence why i wont have anything to do with any of the retards!
Also if he didn't have CCTV I would have totally Tippex'd a nob onto his car before now.
you could always fill some water balloons with paint stripper and throw them at his car so you were out of sight of the camera!! just an idea!!
oOOooo you naughty pixie don't tempt me!
Your blog has made me chuckle on a very wet miserable day...if it wasn't for all the small minded people out there the rest of us would be endlessly trailing blogs to find just this..thanks!
Thanks Sarah I am here to please.
Post a Comment